There is a ringing in my ears and it all E-Ville's fault!!!

Michelle and I were painting the downstairs hallway and listening to my IPOD. It was 12:02 am and a Buzzcocks song ended and during the usual in-between song pause we both heard a noise that befuddled us.

CHURCH BELLS !!!

The bells at one of the churches a few blocks away were ringing and there was no particular reason we could think of for a such an occurrence.

Of course, I assume it meant nuclear holocaust. Michelle assured me it wasn't. I then settled on the fact that either it was some kind of automation error or some crazy nutbag thinking he is Quasimodo or some shit.

I don't know the real reason for the late night chorus of bells. But, I do know that they rang until 12:16...

14 minutes of church bells ringing in no real pattern at all...

Ah Edwardsville, how I love you so...

Uncanny X-men #508...a.k.a. My Hatred of Greg Land

I usually enjoy Uncanny X-men. I started reading it when Brubaker started writing the The Rise and Fall of the Shi'ar Empire.I have enjoyed it throughout his run and was OK with the sneaky switch to Matt Fraction holding the pen.

Lately the art on the book has been by 2 artists. Terry Dodson and Greg Land have been trading art duties back and forth for a few months now.

I LOVE Terry Dodson!!! I really dig his art in everything he does and I like his take on Colossus.

Issue 507 was great. Colossus kicked ass. Emma helped out and there finally was some sadness portrayed pertaining to Kitty Pryde.

I read 508 last night and it has been on my mind all day. I found this issue almost unbearable...I don't know if it was just a bad script( I really don't think it is because Fraction hasn't messed up yet)but, I just couldn't get into this issue. At work today I figured out why...

Greg Land is awful!!!!

If I see one more woman ripped from the scenes of a porno complete with her "O" face I might scream. Unfortunately this entire issue was women. What a cast it was:
SPIRAL!!!
DOMINO!!!
MADELYNE PRYOR!!!
PYSLOCKE!!!
LADY DEATHSTRIKE!!!

And they all looked like Jenna Jameson in the middle of getting filled out like an application!
The only consistency in Land's art is the moaning in pleasure look on all the women's faces.
Whether they are fighting, getting tortured or yelling at each other...

You would think that with X-Men being a flagship book MARVEL would get an artist that could draw the book on a monthly schedule and with some "F"ing dignity!

I don't see how a business that distributes MONTHLY periodicals would hire somebody that does a poor job and takes him 2 months to draw one MONTHLY periodical?!?(That goes for Dodson too...except the poor job part.)

Does that make any sense to anyone? Or am I just the asshole here?

Edwardsville...

So I have been living in Edwardsville for about a year now and something came to my attention a few weeks ago.

I was at the local Price Chopper buying garbage stickers(Like the responsible person I am.) I asked the miserable lady at the customer service counter for 3 Edwardsville garbage stickers.
She got my stickers and ran them through the register. That's when the screen that shows me the price of the item I am buying caught my eye.
Right above the price for the 3 stickers it read "E-ville garbage stickers"!!!
Upon reading that I lost my mind! Why hasn't this come up before ?!?

Whenever I mention to anyone that I live in Edwardsville I get a handful of responses:

" OH, I would never live there." or
"I hear its real bad there." or
"Is that where that guy got killed."

Granted, Just about every night the cops are on my street for some disturbance. And there was a 4 hour hostage situation and standoff 5 houses down from mine. Also, there is a constant rotation of drug dealers a few houses down. One street over a guy got beaten with his own guitar when he tried to stop a guy from stealing it. I could also throw a rock off my back porch and reach the empty lot that was the glass bar.

But, I love my house. I love my neighborhood. I wouldn't change it for the world. I have a pool and a hot tub and a bar in my house. On top of all that I have a never-ending supply of "F"-ed up stuff just out my window.

Although I love it, Crazy shit happens all over the place. Killings and muggings and beatings and drunken nonsense.
My question is...Why hasn't anyone else thought of calling it E-ville before? Is the customer service desk at Price Chopper really responsible for this brilliance? Why hasn't it been in newspapers? When an elderly lady was beaten and mugged at 2 pm at the bottom of my street why didn't the newspaper read "E-ville Strikes Again." ?

Well, I'm not letting Price Chopper have this one. I am claiming it for my own. From here on out I claim E-ville as my idea.

So, whenever something bad happens. whether it be a murder, or drug deal, or somebody winds up like a jigsaw puzzle in a wet garbage bag, read the headlines and think to yourself "Man, that would sound so much cooler if they just called it E-ville."

My Business Venture with Leonard Cohen

I had a dream this morning right before Michelle woke me up.
In the dream I received a phone call from a man that was gonna be publishing a book and wanted me to adapt some of his stories and life lessons into comic strip form.

That man was Leonard Cohen!!

I don't own a Leonard Cohen record, although I do like him and think he is a talented song writer and i usually cringe at the numerous covers of his song Hallelujah.

I do hold aspirations to draw a comic one day(but lack the actual talent).

I was baffled by this dream. I told Michelle immediately and then went back to bed...

So Mr. Cohen if you are reading this (that makes you the only one) please give me a call. I would be more than happy to draw a comic strip of your life.

The Smartest Man in the World !!!

i have told a few people my theory on the smartest living person in the whole world. Now I want the internet to listen the "F" up...

Question: What is Brett Michaels doing right now?
Answer: Probably some dumb as bricks/ silicone injected / slutty hot groupie chick

Question: What network does the aforementioned lead singer of Poison have a reality show?
Answer: Video Hits 1

Question: Who is the smartest man on the planet and why?
Answer: Brett Michaels. and for the why...

He is touring the country. He is banging hot(for the most part) groupie chicks that don't give a crap that he is a washed up hair metal singer that wears a ridiculous doll hair wig to cover his bald head. And he is getting paid for all of it.

That's right! Bret Michaels is doing all that and more on VH1's frikkin dime!!!

Banging sluts, Partying all day, Touring the country, and trying to reignite his long faded celebrity. He has gotten VH1 to pay for it all. And they have paid for 3 seasons.

Does anyone else see how insane this is?!?

I want this job. I'll sign a contract. I'll write a bad ballad or two. Just show me where to put my John Hancock and I'll sign on the dotted line.

That is why I nominate Bret as the smartest man alive.

The only one that even comes close to Mr. Michaels is Flavor Flav...

He found a way to get VH1 to not only pay for all the same things they do for Brett but they paid for Flav's crack too!!!